Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
