I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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