Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
