I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
