Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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