Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
