A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
