Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
