Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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