dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
