she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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