just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I lost the right to judge tonight
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
