Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
