Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
