i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
