Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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