He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
