Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
