No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
