Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
