if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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