I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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