Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
