I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
