Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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