Everything about him screamed your future.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
