We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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