Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
