I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
