No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
