Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
