I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
