I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
