The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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