love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
