i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
