Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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