halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize