My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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