I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
