I forgot how hot balto sounded
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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