someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
