Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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