I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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