dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never underestimate the power of titties
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize