If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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