i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
