when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
