this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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