I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
