i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
