I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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