I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
