I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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