hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
