Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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