it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
