Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
