I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
