im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
