Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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