Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The uberlube is also flammable
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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