It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
