she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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