Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
