he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize