Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
