dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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