I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize