i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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