He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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