Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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