those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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