drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
