i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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