I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
