I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
