yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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