plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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