I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
