i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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