So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
