so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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