How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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