Jerry, you need to find god
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize