hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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