im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
