Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
