I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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