So drunk its hurt
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
don't judge my taste in strippers
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
