checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was like eating out sand paper
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
