Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
