$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
