I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
