I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
