Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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