I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
