We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
